My father does not like whiners. He is a roll up your sleeves and get it done, "suck it up, buttercup" kind of guy. He is a man of few words, so I don't think he ever actually said "If you're going to complain, you'd better be willing to do something about it." He doesn't have to say that, though. He says it with his actions. He isn't one to complain about something unless he is going to do something about it. So...I guess this blog is an ode to my old man, my "Pops." The guy who gets stuff done, so then he can feel okay about complaining about it.
See, I am a Christian. I love Jesus (and sweet tea, another thanks to Pops). My relationship with Christ is the only thing that keeps me sane. I'd be a nervous wreck without leaning on the rock of my salvation. After becoming a mommy, I kind of let that relationship falter. I put so much time and energy into caring for my sweet baby girl, that I didn't spend time in prayer like I should have. Then my maternity leave was over and I had to head back to work and my Jesus time went to the few hours I was at church...and I felt horrible. Last year was probably the worst year of teaching I have had since my first year of teaching. I wasn't connecting with my students, my lessons weren't great, and I was dog tired. I hated going to work. Many told me it would get better, being a teacher-mom is tough and it takes a while to figure out how to be a mom and a teacher, this is new territory, etc. These people meant well, and they weren't entirely wrong. I, however, knew the truth deep down: I wasn't spending time with the one person who could quiet my fears, relieve my anxiety, and give me rest. Jesus.
I wish I could say that the moment I realized that I needed Jesus, everything fell into place. If anything life got more difficult and I was dealing with both mom guilt and teacher guilt simultaneously. I'm getting better. I will continue to get better. Peace is always within my reach because Jesus is always right there.
This school year, I decided to find a few minutes here and there to cultivate my relationship with God. I spent my school commute time in prayer and listened to podcasts. At home I'd spend some time reading the Bible and devotionals in between loads of laundry and diaper changes. I think my biggest problem was thinking that if I didn't have a entire block of time set aside for such things it wasn't worth it, but then I remember that none of my friendships work like that. My best friend and I don't stop being friends simply because our schedules got hectic, or she moved, or I fell asleep before I could reply to her last message (true story...many times); we just made time. Our friendship is important and we make time. My friendship with God is important, so I make time...but that's a blog for another day.
So, there I was, trying to sneak in alone time with God during a time when I was never alone. I decided to try and find something that would speak to my life: how to maintain relationships, how to keep your head up when you're a Christian teaching in the secular world, how to keep up with housework and not feel like a maid...and I couldn't find anything that did all of that, or at least none that I felt weren't putting a "pretty ribbon" on everything. I need real talk. So, I'm doing it myself. And, honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing but I know I'm not alone. There are many out there going through the same thing. I'm doing really just doing this to get my thoughts out there, and because I just feel this nudge from God that maybe someone else out there needs to know that the struggle is really real.
So, here it goes. Thanks, Dad.
See, I am a Christian. I love Jesus (and sweet tea, another thanks to Pops). My relationship with Christ is the only thing that keeps me sane. I'd be a nervous wreck without leaning on the rock of my salvation. After becoming a mommy, I kind of let that relationship falter. I put so much time and energy into caring for my sweet baby girl, that I didn't spend time in prayer like I should have. Then my maternity leave was over and I had to head back to work and my Jesus time went to the few hours I was at church...and I felt horrible. Last year was probably the worst year of teaching I have had since my first year of teaching. I wasn't connecting with my students, my lessons weren't great, and I was dog tired. I hated going to work. Many told me it would get better, being a teacher-mom is tough and it takes a while to figure out how to be a mom and a teacher, this is new territory, etc. These people meant well, and they weren't entirely wrong. I, however, knew the truth deep down: I wasn't spending time with the one person who could quiet my fears, relieve my anxiety, and give me rest. Jesus.
I wish I could say that the moment I realized that I needed Jesus, everything fell into place. If anything life got more difficult and I was dealing with both mom guilt and teacher guilt simultaneously. I'm getting better. I will continue to get better. Peace is always within my reach because Jesus is always right there.
This school year, I decided to find a few minutes here and there to cultivate my relationship with God. I spent my school commute time in prayer and listened to podcasts. At home I'd spend some time reading the Bible and devotionals in between loads of laundry and diaper changes. I think my biggest problem was thinking that if I didn't have a entire block of time set aside for such things it wasn't worth it, but then I remember that none of my friendships work like that. My best friend and I don't stop being friends simply because our schedules got hectic, or she moved, or I fell asleep before I could reply to her last message (true story...many times); we just made time. Our friendship is important and we make time. My friendship with God is important, so I make time...but that's a blog for another day.
So, there I was, trying to sneak in alone time with God during a time when I was never alone. I decided to try and find something that would speak to my life: how to maintain relationships, how to keep your head up when you're a Christian teaching in the secular world, how to keep up with housework and not feel like a maid...and I couldn't find anything that did all of that, or at least none that I felt weren't putting a "pretty ribbon" on everything. I need real talk. So, I'm doing it myself. And, honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing but I know I'm not alone. There are many out there going through the same thing. I'm doing really just doing this to get my thoughts out there, and because I just feel this nudge from God that maybe someone else out there needs to know that the struggle is really real.
So, here it goes. Thanks, Dad.
You are so awesome for staying in the classroom after becoming a mommy. I couldn't handle it but now I'm thinking about going back. I've been praying about it and I know I can do it but does God want me to? My plan is to never take grading home and do my lesson plans on Friday for the next week. I miss the daily interaction with the students. If God wants me to go back He will make it happen. I'll be back at your door having venting sessions. I always appreciated knowing you were there to listen. Every time I start a new job I pray for at least one Christian friend and you were my answered prayer.
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